Sperm used by scientists as an eco-friendly alternative to plastic

I've written over 25,000 articles in over 11 years at TweakTown, and never... never did I think I'd write the headline "Sperm used by scientists as an eco-friendly alternative to plastic". But hey, here we are... using fish cum as an alternative to plastic. Righty-o.

Anyway, a team of Chinese scientists has created a new raw, squishy material known as "hydrogel" because hydrogel sounds way better than "salmon semen" or "fish cum". The scientists used two small strands of DNA from the sperm of salmon -- yeah, fish cum -- and then combined them with vegetable oil that binds them together, creating hydrogel.

The gel is then molded into different shapes, freeze-dried in order to remove moisture, and already the scientists have turned it into cum cups, I mean plastic cups made from semen-based materials. Because I want my lips around a fish cum-based plastic, instead of real plastic, because I care about the environment that much. Uh, yuck.

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You might be sitting there thinking "gee, why did they only use salmon sperm" -- well, did you know that their DNA carries the genetic code for every living thing on the planet. A study from 2015 estimates there are around 50 billion tonnes of DNA on the planet... that is a lot of fish cum.

I don't know why scientists can't use something else as a plastic alternative, I can't see the public feeling OK with "and now your plastic item is made from salmon semen, have a great day!"